A Shocking Story

After the sixth defibrillator shock to my heart in a two hour period, I was certain I’d be meeting Jesus any minute. Here is my shocking story.

When I was twelve, I found out I had a rare congenital heart disorder called Transposition of the Great Vessels. Sounds like a nautical term, doesn’t it? In short, I’m plumbed backwards. 

Then at 39 I received my first pacemaker. At 49 a defibrillator was implanted in my chest. Wires are screwed into my heart that connect to the defibrillator. You might say I have built in jumper cables that deliver a traumatic shock to my heart when my device detects a life threatening arrhythmia. Someone compared the shock to being kicked in the chest by a horse. If I am standing when I get shocked, it literally knocks me to my knees.

Due to battery life, every six years they cut me open to change my device. It’s literally my thorn in the flesh. I’m not complaining. In fact, my heart defect has been a huge blessing. Because of it, I’ve often thought my life might be shorter than most. I think a lot about eternity, and that’s a good thing. Solomon wrote: 

Better to spend your time at funerals than at parties. After all, everyone dies— so the living should take this to heart. Ecclesiastes 7:2

Knowing death could be imminent creates in me an urgency to constantly surrender my will to God for however long I have left on earth. It has also given me greater empathy for those who suffer. I understand why some people question the goodness of God when suffering persists. Our flesh is weak. Even Jesus cried out in His suffering, “Father, why have you forsaken me?”

Most of all, my thorn has given me an eager expectation for heaven. My heart yearns with excitement for that day when I shed this broken body and see Christ face to face.

The apostle Paul lived with a thorn in his flesh too. It made him stronger. He said, “When I am weak, then I am strong.” It also made him long for heaven. “I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far.” Philippians 1:23

Do you have a thorn in the flesh that has discouraged you? God feels your sorrow and wants you to trade it for His joy. Whatever you are going through, look at it as an opportunity to be more humble like Jesus. Humility is a good thing, for God gives grace to the humble, and “Your strength comes from God’s grace.” Hebrews 13:9.

Also look at it as an opportunity to learn obedience, for even Jesus “learned obedience through what He suffered.” Hebrews 5:8. If Jesus had to learn obedience, how much more must we?

I pray you never get a shock to your heart or a kick in the chest by a horse. But if you do, know that our sufferings are a blessing. For in them we share in the sufferings of Christ, whose pain proved beyond a shadow of a doubt just how much He loves us. Unlike you and I, He chose to suffer. He didn’t have to go through the agony of beatings, scourging and crucifixion. He did it because He loved us. Let His amazing love shock you and knock you to your knees!

Then rise and give Him your everything. He deserves it all!

Father, I pray for all those reading this who are suffering. Heal and comfort them with Your love. May their suffering draw them closer to You.

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews‬ ‭4‬:‭15‬-‭16‬ ‭

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18